


The World Spins

by jenelleman



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types, Veronica Mars - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 07:58:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19247056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenelleman/pseuds/jenelleman
Summary: She’s happy... and well his heart it doesn’t break (because it’s already shattered) but it definitely does something.He sees it clear as day as her eyes lock on him, and he doesn’t know why he’s surprised really.Damage stays, and that is perhaps the greatest tragedy of all.





	The World Spins

It was October of 2003 the very first time her life completely turned upside down. October third to be specific.

The moment she laid her eyes on her dead best friends body, bloody and broken, there was no going back.

She would forever be the walking poster child for tragedy (not that Neptune didn’t have a school full of teenagers perfect for the role).

To be honest, the tragedy’s never happened to just her; Lilly Kane’s death affected a number of people, though her life seemed to be the only turned on its axis (she knew that wasn’t true, but it sure felt that way- they all went on with their lives, smiling, laughing as if everything was okay. It wasn’t).

She went from one of them to traitor.

It’s not like her life had been perfect before, (there was the whole alcoholic mother issue), but it wasn’t encompassed with tragedy. 

Then a few short months later, still drowning in her grief, but determined to show them their taunts do not affect her, she attends Shelly’s Christmas party.

What a horrible, terrible mistake, she later realizes as she wakes up with no underwear, no memories and a pain between her thighs she can’t logically explain away.

Her life has again done a 180 on her, adds even more for her to deal with and if she hadn’t been drowning before, she definitely was now.

She returns to school with a new hairdo, new clothes and whole new attitude. Logan tauntingly calls her Veronica 2.0, and she gives him the finger.

She expects some retort, some crude comment, but instead she gets a genuine smile that last for half a second.

She’s too focused on whatever the hell that means to focus on his comment about her sex life (which contrary to what he says, is non-exsistent) and shoves past him. 

After a year of torment and pain something finally gives, a hand reaches out to grab a hold of hers. It pulls her from the depth of her sorrow and gives her a chance to just breath.

But once she finally catches her breath, she dives head first back in to her grief and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

She accuses her boyfriend of murder and then, later that same day, is attacked by his father (she, like Lilly is left bloody and broken, but she, unlike her counterpart is alive).

What follows is a summer of intense fear, like she’s never felt before. She is plagued by one paralyzing thought- not him, I can’t lose him too.

She pushes him away- keeps him further than arms length, well because if he’s determined to get himself killed she’s not just going to stand there and watch.

She starts the school year on the arms of her new beau, which happens to be her old beau- no, not that one, the other one.

Her life seems to have calmed, the tragedy from the previous school year, left there (never mind that her most recent ex was on trial for a murder she just knows that he didn’t commit- he’s Logan, he would never).

She’s happy, happier than she’s been in a long time. She’s not the same old Veronica she was, but she’s not the girl she became afterwards either.

She’s this weird mix and she doesn’t feel quite as settled as she thought she would on Duncan’s arm. But she pushes that aside, kisses him in the hall, ignores the glares from Meg, and pushes on.

Then the unthinkable happens, and really everything that has happened in this town has been unthinkable.

But as she looks over the edge at what remains of the bus, she can’t breath. Her world is spinning and when it stops she’s knee deep in something (relief, grief, pain, anger? Who knows).

She has a surreal moment, standing there in the arms of the man she’s not sure she really loves anymore, where she realizes she was saved by her dead best friend.

Then she’s laughing, and Dick gives her a strange look (strangle only in that a look that serious should never cross Dicks face).

When her phone rings it’s Logan, and she answers, even with Duncan standing right there because- well because she’d be a real bitch not to.

His sob of relief settles weirdly in the pit of her stomach and she can’t speak. Veronica finds she’s not even shocked as Luke comes to take her phone (Duncan hasn’t moved since he put his arms around her) and assures Logan that Veronica is fine, they’re all fine.

And then he says the words, so simple, as an afterthought, and Veronica is vomiting on the side of the road.

Meg.

Veronica’s world continues to spin and turn, not even appeased by the fact that Meg, has somehow miraculously survived. 

Veronica eventually lands, after a messy year, (a few run ins with the Fitzpatrick’s, another dead classmate- this one leaves behind a beautiful baby girl, a run in with the FBI, and the classic Logan has a death wish), on her feet.

And that leaves her on the roof of the Neptune Grand, watching as Cassidy Casablancas kills her father, then takes one small step off the roof (neither she nor Logan think of a reason fast enough, though all considering she doesn’t find it in her to feel guilty).

The look on Dicks face kills her and spins her world around again, because now she has something bonding her to the remaining Casablancas.

Nevertheless, they push on (she only finds the strength after her father walks through the front door). They don’t let life get them down, they can’t. They didn’t come all this way to give up now.

College starts and it seems like she might be able to finally breath; and then Mercer Hayes happens.

She’s done it, solved the rapes, done for others what she had done for herself, but that ends in half her head shaved and Logan getting himself arrested.

She tries not to let the later bring a smile to her face, it was stupid and reckless, but it meant he loved her.

And then he breaks up with her, and it all feels very final, and she doesn’t even want to contemplate how that makes the list of the numerous tragedies that happen to her.

She kind of feels like she’s gone through enough, more than enough, for one person to handle. But because she can’t help herself- she figures she’s already been broken, she must be invincible at this point- she follows her would be sex tape down the rabbit hole and finds Jake Kane and the Castle.

Along with that comes Gory, someone they really shouldn’t mess with, but do. And this is the final tragedy in her life because even though she loves him, deep down in her bones loves him, she can’t take anymore of death wish Echolls (seeing take down Gorg was so satisfying but it was also terrifying, and she couldn’t breathe for weeks afterwards.)

She leaves for the FBI and doesn’t look back.  
It’s better this way.

It’s years before they see each other again, and Logan notes that time has been good to her, has been kind.

She walks with a lightness in her step that she never has before (well not never, but he finds it hard to remember the time that will forever be dubbed as before). 

He knows she’s successful, maybe not in the way she had wanted (he never pictured her in the FBI anyway, way too many rules for a trouble maker like her), but perhaps in the way she needed.

She’s happy, he can see it in her face and he suddenly (so suddenly it takes his breath away) gets a very clear picture of the Veronica of before. And he can’t help but feel lighter himself, to know that it’s not impossible to come through tragedy (he thinks of Carrie, and wishes she had been half as strong as the blonde in front of him).

Then she catches his eye, and he sees it. She’s happy, but that hasn’t erased what happened. He sees the pain clear as day in her eyes as they lock on his, and his heart, well it doesn’t break (because it’s already shattered), but it definitely does something.

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised, really, pain doesn’t just leave a person, no matter the distance that the years put between the cause.

Pain stays.

Damage fucking stays, and perhaps that’s the greatest fucking tragedy of all.

**Author's Note:**

> So first off I want to say, I suck at naming my stories.. so sorry for that. 
> 
> Second off, this was a lesson in dialogue for me.. or lack thereof. Dialogue in moderation.. or no dialogue at all. Sorry that it drags on, and it kinda sucks.
> 
> Anyway.. comments and feedback are always appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you so much, hope you enjoyed my 4am ramblings


End file.
